How To Win New Friends & Influence New People (Not)

Its a beautiful day to be an anti-socialist. I am your fabled storyteller and humble narrator--Claude Ballz. For those unfamiliar with cult themes, early viddies or related trilogies, let us begin with a teary-eyed romp down memory lane.

Initially, we debuted, "I was a Teenage Frankenstein" with Lon Chaney Jr. and John Carradine. The late Michael Landon, gave us a hardware-worthy stunner with, "I was a Teenage Werewolf." Alas, budget constraints and those pesky unions extinguished aspirations of a hat trick. The last jewel became a "coffee table" toe tapper entitled "I was a Teenage Lion Tamer," by your unabashed author Claude Ballz. The circus was in town so acquiring extras would not have been an issue.

This blog, this endeavor and the acerbic entertainment values contained herein, is composed for one reason only--my financial gain and benefit. Every public servant, activity, scandal, failed policy, behavior, etc., will be scrutinized. Every politician will be villified. Try this one on for size, Gibbs.

In this blogosphere, politicians are guilty until proven innocent. Politicians and diapers need to be changed often, for the same reason. From our commander-in-chief, right down to the lowest, ferret-faced lobbyist and b'crats, you are the fodder for this forum.

When I read the sports page, I see man's accomplishments. When I read the front page, I see man's failures. It is truly miserable, this new socialist society we are being forced to live in. When I had a full head of hair, America was the nation everyone feared and depended upon for their very existence. Gasoline, leaded gasoline, was 45 cents a gallon and butts were 28 cents a pak, free matches and you could light up anywhere except a church.

America decided what puppet ruler or dictator would be propped up in some banana republic or sand dune wasteland. America also decided when said manequin would be replaced. When he started thinking he was more important than the sum of the parts, its time to go.

We bankroll your country, you keep the turmoil and problems in your region to a minimum and you get whatever you want. You don't do things our way, no food, no medicine, no arms, no machinery. Back then, the world understood who was running the show. Only to a certain degree.

This is not anything new in the degeneration of our country. Hindsight being 20-20, Patton was right on the money when he quipped, "stop? Let me drive those commie bastards back to Red Square." Had our idiot and UK politicians listened to the generals and let them complete their tasks, look at all the suffering, suppression and misery that would have been avoided.

There would not have been a Berlin Wall. There would have been an absence of Iron Curtain countries that injected fear throughout the Eastern Bloc. Reagan won the Cold War and still screwed it up. Instead of keeping our boot right on their throats and choking their economy into the dust, who eventually builds them back up, to where they again pose a threat to the stability of the region? Good old America.

Those who do not learn, from the mistakes of history, are destined to repeat those mistakes of history. The world is supposed to revolve around us, it used to revolve around us, it will never revolve around us again. When steel, manufacturing, foundries, textiles, mass production was rolling, everything you picked up had a "made in USA" tag on it.

Last Christmas (and I won't use Xmas or Holiday to dignify you atheists and egnostics out there), I put on a hoodie made in Egypt, a parka made in Sri Lanka, a cotton T made in Bangladesh and a pair of thermal socks made in Ceylon. Shows how old the socks were as Ceylon is now Burkina Faso or some other type of salad dressing.

Special thanks to Jimmy Carter and his stroke of genius to relinquish the Panama Canal, and with it, our influence in the region. Special thanks to the Slick One for opening up the hedge funds/speculators to manipulate the oil markets and fertilize the gardens for how many more Bernie Madoffs. Not to mention Billy Boy taking the shackles off of China and allowing them to sit down at the global poker table. That was a real world "NAFTA," eh Sharpie?

Oh, and many thanks to that oblivious one, George W. Bush. By executive order, he could have shut those speculators down before they even got rolling, but oil and Bush go together like soap and water. Speaking of GOP lackies, G.W. could have, and should have, gone on every TV station for breakfast, lunch and dinner and told America about this housing crisis, after Barney the Dinosaur blocked the amendment to overhaul Freddie and Fannie in 2002.

Memo to you Barama--(I'm saving energy by saving two syllables)--the word is ENFORCEMENT--BLUDGEONING ENFORCEMENT. Not these pansy words like "transparency and oversight." That's like asking a narcaleptic to work a double shift at ACORN.

I despise conservatives and the GOP, I loathe liberals and the jackass party. If I can equally infuriate and upset everyone who reads this blog, then that will show my original intent--I am right down the middle. I am fair and balanced. I walk the tightrope of left and right, east and west, north and south.

Think this post is venom-laced? Just warmin' up, just working out the kinks. Lots of visuals coming up too. The party has begun. Game on.